Category: Birth Stuff

8 Months. 2

8 Months.

It’s been 8 months since the most amazing day ever. I gave birth to my sweet squishy Ada in our bed, in the same spot we’re snuggling in right now as I write this. I caught her with my own two hands while the midwife stood back and made the video. I did it!  I grew her in my womb, felt the top of her head inside of me as I dilated, and I was the first person to hold her. The other day...

Placenta. 0

Placenta.

That’s a print of Ada’s placenta.  It was shaped like a heart. Maybe it seems gross to some, but to me it’s special.  The placenta is what nourishes the baby, helps the baby to grow big and strong, and what filters out harmful things.  The placenta is what secures the baby’s life inside of the womb. After Baby J died because the placenta detached from my uterus, Ada’s healthy placenta was even more meaningful. When the placenta detaches from the uterine...

Welcoming Baby Ada. 0

Welcoming Baby Ada.

The first part to this, along with her birth video, is in the previous entry. For those who asked, Ada is pronounced like the letter A at the beginning. A-duh. Or Aid-ah, if you’d rather… Everything is going so smoothly this time, in comparison to the horrible time I had after Rosie’s birth. Baby Ada knows how to nurse so well! She latched on shortly after birth and didn’t stop nursing voluntarily for almost the entire first 24 hours. My milk...

Baby Ada’s Birth Day. 12

Baby Ada’s Birth Day.

I feel as if I am completely in awe. Did any of this actually happen? It’s all so unbelievable, the entire pregnancy I’ve felt a since of disbelief. After my miscarriage I was afraid to trust that I could have a real live baby. I didn’t want my heart broken again. Even after three healthy ultrasounds I still couldn’t wrap my mind around the image of a healthy baby. Once you realize that it can all change in an instant, it’s...

I think I poked the baby in the head. 5

I think I poked the baby in the head.

I’m having a mini-crisis. I think…my baby might be…REAL. As in, there is a real live baby in there. I can feel her moving all the time, but that’s so abstract. I still can’t convince myself she’s going to be a real child, like Rosie. Except today I think I might have poked her head. Like, I have a real baby who has a real bowling ball of a head jammed into my crotch. And I touched her head. In my...

Am I still Living!? 0

Am I still Living!?

Physically, this has got to be the most horrifying and miserable thing that has EVER happened to me. Something isn’t right. I had actual contractions, and they were extremely painful. Considerably more so than when I had Rosie. There was so much blood, I really thought I was going to die last night. I’m talking puddles and puddles of blood, flooding everything. The contractions started around 10 last night, getting increasingly more painful. By 3 in the morning each contraction came...

Saying Goodbye to Baby J. 0

Saying Goodbye to Baby J.

It didn’t come as a total shock, because I knew something wasn’t quite right. I just *knew*. I don’t know why or how, but I wrote before about how I felt totally unattached from this pregnancy, I couldn’t imagine it resulting in a baby in July. But of course no pregnant woman wants to think about that, so aside from stressing over it a little I tried to put it out of my head. My belly seemed to be still growing,...

Finally, to take a step without feet. 0

Finally, to take a step without feet.

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” -Rumi I keep re-reading this quote, over and over. This quote perfectly describes what the conception of this baby and this pregnancy is for me. It came out of so much sadness and heartbreak, after being pregnant for 12 weeks then suddenly no longer pregnant. After trying desperately to fill...