With a lot of good advice from the adoption agency we’ve decided to keep Tanya with us as long as possible.

We love her and I desperately wish we could adopt her, but she needs to be the baby of the family or an only child for sure.  Everyone who has met her just falls in love with her!

While this is not how we expected hosting to be, we don’t regret that it’s worked out this way.  Tanya shouldn’t have come as part of the hosting program due to her emotional needs.  It seems like this is just another piece of the puzzle though, she slipped through the cracks and came here for a reason.

 

Please, please post and share this flyer about Tanya.  I just can’t stand the thought of her wasting away back in Ukraine when all she needs is some love and therapy to be a successful human being.  She absolutely deserves a family to take care of her and help her recover what her early childhood stole. If anyone would like more info about Tanya please email me at the address on the flyer.  I’ll answer your questions and give you the info for the appropriate agencies to pursue her.

 

 

Things are not going well with Tanya.  She’s probably going to have to return to Ukraine early with a chaperone.

Very sad.

She’s just too much for us to handle. She seems to have all of the symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder, including showing no remorse when repeatedly hurting our pets, no impulse control, and being uncomfortably too affectionate with everyone in the world.

Did I mention how sad we are that it’s working out this way?

Yeah.  Very, very sad.  We were really looking forward to having a great time, but we’re struggling just to get through each day with everyone safe and all in one piece.  She is unable to play with my kids.

I am so worried about what will happen to her back in Ukraine.  She is very vulnerable.  I wish she could find a family here to adopt her and give her the therapy she needs to be a happy, successful human being.  She deserves that chance. She didn’t ask to be neglected or sent to an orphanage.  It’s not her fault she’s broken inside.  :(

Poor little girl.

 

Too tired to write anything coherent.

Still alive.

Having fun.

Tanya is sweet, crazy, loving, hyper, super smart, busy, and wonderful.

The night before she was due to arrive we made her a welcome sign.  It says, “Hello Tanya!” on it in Ukrainian.  (Priveet Tanya!)

That night Rosie lost her second top front tooth!

We picked Tanya up from the airport in Atlanta on Wednesday.  We had to wait almost three hours after she landed because the computer system in customs went down and there was a huge back up of people.  The waiting was so tough.  We waited, and waited, and waited some more.

This is the Atlanta coordinator working hard coordinating.  Her daughter is in the pink shirt.  She was adopted from Ukraine at age 11.

Did I mention the long, intense waiting?

FINALLY we saw them come past customs through those closely guarded glass doors!

(These pictures below are from another person, I stole them from Facebook.)

Tanya is in the purple pants.

This little boy and his sister are in the process of being adopted by the other host family in Kentucky.  (The woman waving in the picture above.)

They hosted him at Christmas and he was so happy to see his Mama and Papa again.

I snapped this picture of him running into his papa’s arms.

The walk down that corridor took eternity.

All of the families surrounded the kids and the chaperone let go of Tanya’s hand. I could see her but there were too many people in the way to reach her.

She looked terrified.  She was trying so hard not to cry.  That made me cry!  I worked my way over to her and bent down on her level to say hello and hug her.  She wouldn’t look at me, but she hid her face in my shirt.

Meeting Tyler for the first time:

Meeting Rosie for the first time:

Ada just wanted to know why we were still at the stupid airport.  She said, “Mommy take me and just walk home now.”

We gave her a stuffed dog to hold.

I was SO tired.  Tanya was terrified.  Ada was angry.  Rosie was overjoyed.  Tyler was overcome with emotion.  It’s an honest family portrait!

We got the translator to tell Tanya that we had to go to Grandma’s house for the night, and then we would drive 7 hours to our home.

She was exhausted and scared.  She threw up in the car about ten minutes past the airport, but she caught it all in her hands except for one tiny bit.  They train them to do that at the orphanage so they don’t make a mess.

Tyler cleaned her up and she promptly fell sound asleep for the remaining 10 minute drive back to Tyler’s Grandma’s house.

When she woke up in the driveway she was totally reset.  She unbuckled Ada from her carseat and shyly walking into the house with me.  She sat on the couch for a minute, then ran and hid in the corner.  She was trying hard not to cry again.  I snuggled her and led her to the bathroom away from everyone else.  She really had to pee, and then she saw the giant bathtub.  Her entire face just lit up.

Then she told me she would rather shower, and shower she did! For about 45 minutes.  After riding 10 hours on a train through Ukraine, taking a three hour flight, and then taking a 10 hour flight across the Atlantic, and THEN sitting in airport on the floor for 3 hours she didn’t smell very good.  (The whole group of kids was rank, poor things.)

I helped her scrub off and checked her for lice.  (None, thankfully!)

Then she played in the water and laughed and laughed.

After she finally got out she wanted to explore Grandma’s house.  She was incredibly hyper.

She loves to play peek-a-boo, or cuckoo as she calls it.

She also loves dolls.

More later, I keep falling asleep while typing.

Here’s an instagram of Tanya today at home.

 

Only one day left until we leave for Atlanta.

I might die of nerves and excitement.  T is coming on Wednesday…that’s five days away.

Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!  I didn’t anticipate this much excitement and nervousness.

Rosie’s actual birthday is the 19th, but we decided to celebrate early before we leave for Atlanta to get T.  We’ll be driving home on the 19th, and that won’t make for a fun birthday, so early party it was!

Most people are out of town and busy this time of year, poor Rosie.  We just had family and Rosie’s friend who lives down the street over to my in-laws’ house for the party.  It was still fun though. Rosie had a blast, and she somehow got way more (expensive) gifts than we anticipated.

Waiting for guests to arrive…

This huge box was from my brother-in-law and soon to be sister-in-law.

Hi Dax!

Finally we can open the presents!  This was her big gift from us.

Much anticipated.

Kirsten!

Ada got a few little things to open too, so she would leave Rosie alone.

The really big box was filled with balloons.  Each balloon had a message on it for Rosie that SIL wrote.  The bottom of the box had SIL’s old American Girl doll clothes!

Rosie wanted butterfly cupcakes, and my sister made a delicious cheesecake for the adults.

The cupcakes came from Sam’s Club.

Ada was really into the “pupcakes” as she calls them.

And there was a final unexpected gift–

My father-in-law got Rosie a power wheels jeep.

I told Rosie she could never have one of those.  She was THRILLED.  I think she nearly had a heart attack.

All she wants to do is ride in it up and down the sidewalk.  Thankfully it runs out of batteries in our hilly neighborhood!

I think Rosie had a great sixth birthday, even though she isn’t actually six for another week.

Can you believe she will be SIX?  Gosh, that’s so old.

The other day I was talking to my neighbor, who is a middle aged divorced woman.  She lives with her two adult sons.  Her sons are somewhere around my age, in their 20′s.

 

I mentioned that we were going to be hosting an orphan from Ukraine soon.  She was just shocked.  Flabbergasted.  She couldn’t believe it.  She said, “Why would you want to do that?”

 

I’ve been surprised at the reactions we’ve gotten from people when they find out we’re hosting a little girl.  I understand the worry that it will be like a tease for her to come here and then have to go back, but they are told they are going on a vacation and they understand that.  A first world comparison would be like saying you couldn’t send your kid to Disney World because it would be like a tease when they went back home.  No, it would just be the most memorable and awesome summer ever.  (Obviously that is a very loose comparison to loving an orphan for a few weeks, but you kind of get what I mean, right?)

 

Past that fear of disappointing the kids, what else could be negative about this?  People say they would never be able to do that.  They would never want to do that, as if it’s shocking and a little repulsive.  Of course it won’t be easy, I’m not completely ignorant.  I’m expecting it to be hard in many ways.  But would it not be worth it?  Why would it not be worth it to change a child’s life by offering them unconditional love, even if it’s only for six weeks?

 

I think people feel very defensive when it comes to the subject of orphans.  Do you think people feel guilty?  I have a hunch maybe some people do.  They don’t want to hear about, they don’t want to know about it.  It’s weird to me, I don’t understand this reaction.

 

I have learned that everyone is different.  For some reason I come hardwired with a soft heart.  Can’t help it.  I have trouble understanding people who can look at the homeless, the mentally ill, or the orphans, or any suffering person in need of love and just move on.

 

It’s certainly NOT because I’m some kind of saint, or perfect, or anything like that.  Far, far, from it.  I struggle with things just like everyone else–money, sometimes crippling anxiety, IBS, I’m not patient enough with my kids, my house is too messy, my kids are not perfectly behaved, I’m tired and grumpy, and on and on…no different than most other human beings, or at least those who are willing to admit their faults. ;-)

 

I can’t move on because it literally breaks my heart.  I will think of someone’s sad eyes for hours afterward, for days, at random moments, or when I’m trying to sleep.  I physically feel their pain and sadness.  I worry about them, even if they are strangers.  I can’t help it.  I am overloaded with compassion and I don’t know why.  There’s no excuse or reason, I just am.  I naturally pick up on emotions.  (I think that’s why I love photography.  I seek out emotions and then photograph them.)

 

My mom always tells me that I can’t save the world.  She’s been telling me that since I was a little kid.  You know what?  I can’t save the whole world, she’s right.  But I can save the people within my reach.

 

 

Today we had our homestudy.  It’s not a full homestudy for adoption.  It’s a shortened version where the social worker does a quick interview, checks around your house to make sure it’s clean and safe, and then she writes a two page report on our home and family.  The full homestudy is several visits and a 8-10 page report.  (If we do decide to adopt we can count this homestudy as the first visit towards the big 8-10 page report!)

 

I was really nervous about a social worker checking over my house, but it was fine.  I did some super frantic cleaning and organizing until the wee hours of the morning in preparation.  The social worker was very nice.  She also has chickens, which is cool.

 

Now that the homestudy is done we have nothing left to do but wait.  T is flying into Atlanta and we’re picking her up there on Wednesday the 18th.  We find out the exact arrival time tomorrow.  We’re staying in Fayetteville outside of Atlanta with Tyler’s Grandma.  It’s shut down week for the Toyota plant, so it worked out perfectly.  This is Tyler’s one week off a year.

 

 

Today we got some more pictures of the kids from T’s orphanage.  It’s a photo album of a VBS put on by some visiting Americans.  Looking through the pictures I felt so sad.  It really hit home just how many kids live there.  It looks like a school with outdated decorations and playground equipment.

 

I just keep thinking of what it would be like to grow up in a huge group of kids.  When you’re sick or scared you can’t just run to your parent to be cuddled.  No one tucks you in at night and whispers I love you.  No one tells you you’re beautiful, smart, or gives you praise, or holds your hand.  T has never in her seven years of life been someone’s beloved child.

 

How would it be to grow up without any memories of a family?

 

Here I go again with my broken heart.  Send help.

The other day I took the girls to Goodwill because it was really hot and we were bored.  I found a new bread machine with wrapping still on it for $6!

I used to have a bread maker, but Tyler wouldn’t eat the bread out of it because he didn’t like the way it was shaped.  Yes, seriously.  So I gave it away to an older lady who had arthritic hands and could no longer knead bread.  She was super appreciative so I didn’t feel bad.

The bread machine  I found at Goodwill makes bread in the same shape as store bought loaves!  It makes up to a 2 lb. loaf, which is big.  I had to buy it!  After allergy testing I found out one source of my indigestion has been rye.  I’m severely allergic to it.  Not wheat or any other grain, just rye.  Did you know rye is in EVERYTHING?  Campbell’s soup has rye unlisted on the ingredient label under natural flavors and spices.  When I get “ryed” I have this specific horrible poop and burning in my intestines about 24 hours later, and it lasts for an entire day and night.  So I discovered the hard way that rye is in all kinds of stuff, like Cracker Barrel pancakes (omg I was so sick after).  It’s also in Nature’s Own 100% whole wheat bread. What the heck?  I keep getting sick after eating at places like Panera because they use the cutting machine to cut all kinds of bread including their rye.  Dammit.  Not cool!  Hence the need to make my own rye-free bread!!

I came home and looked for recipes online because the bread machine was missing the manual.  I finally found a dairy-free recipe–for some reason most of them contained dry milk.  (Lactose and my digestive system don’t like each other.)  I tried it with a few modifications and it’s amazing.  Even Tyler likes it!

Here’s the recipe with my modifications.  (Note: next I’m going to try more wheat flour and honey instead of white sugar…)

Put ingredients in the bread machine in the order listed for it to come out right.

1 cup warm water
2 tablespoons white sugar (or sub honey)
2 1/2 tsp of yeast
*Wait 10 minutes for the yeast to activate in the warm water and sugar. It will kind of bubble or foam. If nothing happens then your yeast is too old and your bread won’t rise.*
1/4 cup olive oil
3 cups flour (1 cup whole wheat & 2 cups white)
1 tsp. salt (plus a dash more if you use wheat flour)

Makes a 1.5 lb loaf.

The recipe calls for bread flour but I just had regular flour and it still came out fluffy with flaky crust.  It does fall a little bit on the top as it bakes, but it doesn’t seem to mess up the bread texture inside.  I used Kroger organic white flour, which for some reason makes the best textured bread out of all the white flours I’ve tried. I used King Arthur whole wheat flour, which I read has more gluten than regular flours and is probably more similar to bread flour.

If you don’t have a bread maker check Goodwill in a rich area!  Mine had several.  The one I got is Welbilt brand and it makes amazing bread, better than the one I used to have.

Only 12 days until T gets here!!!!!!

Here are my girls a few days ago…

(She makes that face ALL the time.  It’s hysterical!)

T had her US embassy appointment today in Ukraine.

She passed! All her paperwork is in order.

SHE’S COMING!! TO OUR HOUSE!

THEY ARE BUYING PLANE TICKETS RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY VERY SECOND!  ONE WITH HER NAME ON IT!

 

I feel mostly like this: