On a darky, rainy night…
I never realized how much I would love having more than one child. I am so happy. It’s kind of sickening considering all of the bad things going on in the world, but there it is.
I guess I shouldn’t apologize for it, because it’s crazy wonderful.
You know, I am a college drop out. I dropped out with two semesters left to get my degree. I gave up a full scholarship that I earned with my perfect high school GPA.
I got pregnant and married when I was 19 years old. My parents think I ruined my life, but oh they don’t understand. I ruined it in the best way possible. I would choose to “ruin” it all over again in the exact same way with no second thoughts.
My mom told me multiple times that she moved to the city to get away. She said she didn’t want to marry a farmer, or raise her children there, because she wanted better than pregnancy in the teen years and being poor. That life is hard, she said.
I guess I spent too much time there with my family anyway, because guess how I turned out? Whoops.
I know how she feels. I don’t want my sweet babies to suffer through something hard when they don’t have to.
Yeah, it is hard to be a poor young parent. It’s been very hard at some points. Painful, even.
It was hard to be married at 19…a huge change, a lot of responsibility. It was hard for Tyler to grow into a man in such a short span of time, while all of his friends were still carefree. He made bad mistakes that tore us apart. We are still putting the pieces back together. The choices he made still made me sad on a daily basis, though I do not want to think about it. Certain things seem burned into my head and I can’t help it. Similar to parenting, marriage is a journey…it requires lots of perseverance and dedication, and sometimes outside help.
It was hard to be a parent when all of my friends were still being kids. As a result I lost all of my friends. I’m still working on finding new ones and figuring out how to maintain friendships while being a wife and a mother all at the same time. Balancing act of champions. I know I am not the only person who struggles in this area, which gives me a little comfort.
It’s hard to survive financially too. We have put a lot of effort into not screwing up our finances, and it worked. The only debt we have is our mortgage, and we pay that along with our bills on time every month. We have absolutely no money left over for other stuff, not even savings, but that will be better one day.
It’s not that hard to survive on a tiny income. Here’s my best advice: don’t buy stuff unless you can pay for it with the cash in your pocket. Don’t expect to have new clothes, new electronics, movies and video games, cable, new cars, or new furniture. Don’t go shopping for fun. Only go shopping for your carefully budgeted grocery list. Don’t buy prepackaged foods because they are expensive as well as unhealthy.
It can be depressing sometimes, but other times I think that this is all a part of our journey together. I now appreciate what I have for sure.
I don’t really know where I’m going with this.
I’m happy. Tonight I spent hours laughing with my girls just because. They stayed up an hour past bedtime.
I can’t believe how wonderful it is to have two of them.
Rosie hardly wants to be in pictures anymore.
Tonight while Rosie was at dance class Ada decided to pillage the cabinet when I went to the bathroom for 5 seconds.
She dumped out the brown sugar, and when I walked back in the kitchen I found this:
(Note, she drug her beloved blanket over there with her.)
Licking spilled brown sugar right off of the floor.
Then she stood up and toddled over to the wooden stool to sit down and lick the remaining sugar from her little lips.
I love them both so much, I could explode.