This evening’s crazies:
Tonight we hung out with a friend a few doors down. The little girl is 3.5 but very verbal and talks like 50 year old woman, similar to Rosie. Rosie *loves* her, and her mom is my age and a normal person/responsible parent. (This is an exciting thing for me, someone I can relate to!) So we were walking down our street talking when this old lady (probably 75 or so) comes barreling out her front door yelling, “OH THERE YOU ALL ARE!” and waving. She was wearing a huge white men’s t-shirt…think XXXL size, and she had on leopard print skin tight leggings that were bedazzled with jewels.
I immediately started panicking because this lady is schizophrenic and the ambulance frequently comes to her house to sedate her and take her to the psych ward until she calms down. Another neighbor warned us that sometimes when she slips into crazy mode she wanders around and can be dangerous at the worst of her downward spirals. This is the first time I’ve ever actually seen her out in the four years we’ve lived here, but the ambulance comes to her house about once a month, sometimes more often.
She had two plastic Easter eggs in her hand and said she wanted to give the girls their Easter gift and she’d been waiting for us to walk by. (I wonder if she sees us all the time watching out the window, creepy!) It seemed harmless enough at first. She gave them the eggs and said they had a special coin in them that looked like a quarter but it was really a dollar. She kept apologizing that she didn’t have time to put 6 cents in the eggs. Then she got really close to us, like too close, and the girls wouldn’t look at her face. They were obviously getting awkward vibes and all three kids were backing away behind us. She wanted them to look her in the eye and say, “Thank you Grandma West.” She gave Ada a teddy bear that she said came free from Charmin. Unfortunately it seems to have dog pee on the back of it and smells like smoke strongly.
My friend and I were being polite but trying to get away from her, but she kept stepping in front of us and talking. She got right in Rosie’s face and pointed out that Rosie was barefoot. She told Rosie, “You know what happens when you go barefoot here, right?” Rosie’s eyes were huge. “If you go barefoot in Kentucky you’ll get pregnant, did you know that? You’ll be pregnant in no time walking up and down the street with no shoes on.” OMG. Rosie now thinks that you can get pregnant by going barefoot. HELP.
Finally she just went back in her house, after telling Ada not to eat the crab apples on the ground (actually cherries) and after telling us a long story about how she could no longer afford to keep her beloved dog. (The dog had to be put to sleep after another dog on our street attacked it and they couldn’t afford the surgery to save it. So sad.)
I think I am going to have nightmares about being cornered by Grandma West in her skin tight bedazzled leggings. I am never walking that direction on our street again!!