To Love and Let Go–
“Life is made up of a collection of moments that are not ours to keep. The pain we encounter throughout our days spent on this earth comes from the illusion that some moments can be held onto. Clinging to people and experiences that were never ours in the first place is what causes us to miss out on the beauty of the miracle that is the now. All of this is yours, yet none of it is. How could it be? Look around you.Everything is fleeting.
To love and let go, love and let go, love and let go…it’s the single most important thing we can learn in this lifetime.”
Today has been long and exhausting. Igor is doing an excellent job of pushing everyone away in order to make leaving easier on himself.
It’s hard to write about things that aren’t perfect and wonderful. I want to write only good things, magically happy things. Unfortunately reality is much messier and considerably more complicated than smiling pictures of happy children.
This morning Igor told Ada that Santa Claus and the tooth fairy weren’t real, that it was just mom and dad doing those things. Ada told him that he was wrong because even mom and dad get gifts from Santa in their stockings, and Igor mocked her and called her a baby for believing in Santa, and said a bunch of mean things to her.
This is Ada we’re talking about. Spunky, dramatic, always optimistic Ada. No one should ever be mean to her, she is always giggling. She’s seriously the sweetest kid. Breaks my heart.
I got her calmed down by telling her she could dress like a princess in one of Rosie’s old dance recital tutus that had sequins all over it. She added a tiara and magic wand, then I let her paint her nails and put on crazy makeup with eye shadow and pink lipstick, and face sparkles on top of that.
She was so happy.
She said she felt sorry for Igor because he didn’t believe in Santa Claus. ;)
Then she walked past Igor, who was sitting and playing racing games online, and he told her she was ugly and she wasn’t a real princess, and she smelled bad.
Back to crying again, this time complete with running make-up.
He has never been mean in the past. He adored the girls and was very kind to them all the time. He’s acting this way on purpose. Nothing makes me more furious than when someone is purposefully cruel to children. Especially my children in their own home.
Regardless of why, it’s horrible from this side of the fence. I don’t know what to do with him. I can send him to sit in his room, where he’ll curse me in Ukrainian, stomp, and pout. I can tell him to be nice to Ada and listen to him huff and puff and stomp off cursing in Ukrainian.
Mostly I just tell the girls to completely ignore his mean behavior. Don’t make eye contact, don’t react, don’t do anything. I told Ada he’s just making up mean things to see a big reaction from her.
Unfortunately Ada is five and spunky, and she understands a lot of Ukrainian and Igor’s English, so she does not ignore him. She tries to argue with him, tells him he’s saying bad words in Ukrainian (hahaha!), or tries to set him straight.
It’s so stressful.
One day she screamed at him in Ukrainian to go calm down and take a shower, then she rolled across the floor yelling, “It’s getting away!” all in Ukrainian. I swear her brain is like a sponge. Misha and Mariana taught her a lot last summer because they were always talking to each other in Ukrainian and Ada would be playing with them.
I don’t want to remember Igor this way. He’s tainting all of my happy memories with frustration, misery, and meanness.
The whole situation is heartbreaking, but at the same time it marks a clear end to…everything. This summer has been so stressful and sad. I don’t think I can risk putting my children through something like this again with another Ukrainian orphan.
The key difference between hosting and foster care is that there are no available resources to help when everything is wrong. Your child cannot get therapy or medication.
It’s unfair. Life is unfair for Igor. I’m powerless to do anything about it. The only thing I can do is choose to let go. I have loved, and now it’s time to let go.