Today is the day the kids and I say goodbye to Igor until summer.
He and Tyler are leaving for their two day drive to Atlanta.
It’s too sad. Nobody wants to say goodbye. Henry is crying and saying he’s putting his boots on to go with “my Han” which is what he calls Igor. Henry thinks Igor is the coolest brother on the planet earth and looks up to Igor like he’s a god.
Igor is telling everyone he meets that maybe he will live with us forever after summer.
To be honest I’m delaying investigating his status further. If I don’t know for sure then I can hold onto the hope that he may be miraculously available. If I look into it and find he’s not on the registry and may never be…then what?
And if I find out he is miraculously available, what then? I didn’t win the powerball last night.
It would have been easier if we’d never hosted kids, or fallen in love. I could just be spending my spare time watching Netflix and crocheting or something, anything but hanging my heart on the line for repeated heartbreak.
Unfortunately I am filled with a small voice that calls to me in quiet moments, whispering that life is more than just living for yourself. And I can’t ignore it.
I don’t want to ignore it.
So I continue on. I’m saying goodbye to this kid yet again, having faith that we will at least be able to hug him once more this summer. But I don’t know that for certain. Each time we say goodbye I never know if it will be the last time he kisses me, or the last time I hold him. I’ve thought in the past that it was the last time, and it wasn’t. Hopefully this won’t be the last time either.
It’s hard to have no control over something so close to your heart–only faith that it will all be ok in the end, somehow.
If it’s not ok, then it’s not the end, right?