half heard in the stillness-- between two waves of the sea.

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Departure.

How can I ever stop replaying those last few moments in my head? The airport’s international departure terminal is bright. White walls. White floors, glistening. New. Floor to ceiling windows line sides of the building, letting in as much natural light as possible. The entire terminal is wide open, with a high arching ceiling. It gives the illusion that everything is shiny and happy, full of fresh air and sunlight. The crowds are small on this day. People mill about in...

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*Insert Emoticon Here*

I feel so frazzled. Tyler has been working so much that he might as well still be in Japan. I know it sucks for him, of course. I’m not denying that. He’s been working 7 days a week. This week he’s working from 5:00 in the morning until 7 or 8 at night. They are setting up the new Lexus line at the plant. That means I’m with the kids 24/7 and I have no break at all. Ever. EVER. My...

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Oh.

Giving away pieces of your heart unconditionally is dangerous. And hard. And painful. Very, very painful. Mariana has such difficult behaviors. First there was the aggression–biting, hitting, pinching, punching, grabbing things roughly. Breaking things on purpose. Destructive. The bedwetting. Nightly. Sometimes pooping in her underwear and hiding it. Refusal to eat anywhere except at our house. (And at first, not even at home, or at all!) Outright fear of strangers. Refusing to go into someone else’s home, instead standing outside and...

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Twelve Months of Henry.

31 weeks. Birth. 8/5/2013 Three days old. Ten days old. One month. Six weeks. Eight weeks. Nine weeks. Ten weeks. Eleven weeks. First Halloween, eleven weeks. Twelve weeks. Fifteen weeks. Sixteen weeks. Four months old! First snow, still Week 16. Nineteen weeks: First Christmas! Five months: Six months: First tastes of solid food. Seven months: St. Patrick’s Day! Eight months: First Easter! Nine months: (First steps this month!) Ten months: During which I apparently took no pictures with the real camera…Tyler...

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The News.

The world is really getting me down lately. What a sad time it seems to be these days. Ukraine is at war with Russia. Families are being killed in the east, caught in crossfire. All of the capital city Kyiv will be without hot water and possibly heat until October or later. It’s cold in Ukraine in October. This is due to the gas shortage and the country’s debt. They’ve announced that orphanages will no longer be funded, all staff except...

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Are you here for this?

Imagine. A few years ago you began this crazy journey to get to the top of a mountain. At the top of the mountain you would parachute out of a plane, and it would be insane and amazing. You’ve never seen the view from the top, but rumor has it the climb is worth it. The journey to the top of the mountain was long. There was bad weather. Unexpected challenges. You were pushed to the very edges of your ability....

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Wordless Wednesday!

Can’t forget Double Trouble! Listen, they insist firmly on dressing themselves. I’m not going to fight that battle. Not worth it. Why is Rosie growing up so fast? What is happening here! She hopes to try contacts after her fall eye doctor visit. Next braces. Then teen years. I might cry. She’s totally lost the little kid look now. Sweet little chipmunk! Holds my hand the entire time we’re walking around the block, every time. Her hair. God Bless it. Of...

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Meeting Kolya.

We met Kolya today. He was pretty much awesome. Of course now Tyler is having cold feet. It’s a big commitment, we don’t make enough money to add a fourth child to our family, typical fears. He’s also still in love with Igor, but he has to accept that ship has sailed. So this is the plan: Spend some more time with Kolya, and wait for murky waters to clear. One of two things will happen: It will become apparent that this is...

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Snot, Go Away.

What is wrong with my body? I am still sick. It’s been almost a month. It’s like a curse. I have five kids to care for and I feel like poo. Still this same cold. I cannot get rid of it. I don’t have any infection symptoms–clear mucus, no fever. It’s just hanging on forever. The cough went away, thank goodness. Then I had a sinus headache in my face for like two weeks. Now I have a very stuffy nose,...

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Love Like That.

How do I even begin to convey the way I feel with words? My eyes are leaking. To be honest I don’t really know why we started hosting orphans. It just seemed like a natural thing to do. I saw the website with the hosting info. The quiet voice inside of me said go forward. I went. It was hard, but once you take the plunge there is no going back. There is no un-knowing what your heart has learned. It’s...