20 Aug, 2014
How can I ever stop replaying those last few moments in my head? The airport’s international departure terminal is bright. White walls. White floors, glistening. New. Floor to ceiling windows line sides of the building, letting in as much natural light as possible. The entire terminal is wide open, with a high arching ceiling. It gives the illusion that everything is shiny and happy, full of fresh air and sunlight. The crowds are small on this day. People mill about in...
11 Aug, 2014
Giving away pieces of your heart unconditionally is dangerous. And hard. And painful. Very, very painful. Mariana has such difficult behaviors. First there was the aggression–biting, hitting, pinching, punching, grabbing things roughly. Breaking things on purpose. Destructive. The bedwetting. Nightly. Sometimes pooping in her underwear and hiding it. Refusal to eat anywhere except at our house. (And at first, not even at home, or at all!) Outright fear of strangers. Refusing to go into someone else’s home, instead standing outside and...
29 Jul, 2014
Can’t forget Double Trouble! Listen, they insist firmly on dressing themselves. I’m not going to fight that battle. Not worth it. Why is Rosie growing up so fast? What is happening here! She hopes to try contacts after her fall eye doctor visit. Next braces. Then teen years. I might cry. She’s totally lost the little kid look now. Sweet little chipmunk! Holds my hand the entire time we’re walking around the block, every time. Her hair. God Bless it. Of...
26 Jul, 2014
We met Kolya today. He was pretty much awesome. Of course now Tyler is having cold feet. It’s a big commitment, we don’t make enough money to add a fourth child to our family, typical fears. He’s also still in love with Igor, but he has to accept that ship has sailed. So this is the plan: Spend some more time with Kolya, and wait for murky waters to clear. One of two things will happen: It will become apparent that this is...
25 Jul, 2014
What is wrong with my body? I am still sick. It’s been almost a month. It’s like a curse. I have five kids to care for and I feel like poo. Still this same cold. I cannot get rid of it. I don’t have any infection symptoms–clear mucus, no fever. It’s just hanging on forever. The cough went away, thank goodness. Then I had a sinus headache in my face for like two weeks. Now I have a very stuffy nose,...
21 Jul, 2014
How do I even begin to convey the way I feel with words? My eyes are leaking. To be honest I don’t really know why we started hosting orphans. It just seemed like a natural thing to do. I saw the website with the hosting info. The quiet voice inside of me said go forward. I went. It was hard, but once you take the plunge there is no going back. There is no un-knowing what your heart has learned. It’s...
19 Jul, 2014
Today Rosie turned eight years old. Can you believe it has been that many years since she was born? Once, I found myself 19 and pregnant and not knowing what the future would hold. Then I found myself 19 and married. What a trip that has been. But now, here we are. Eight years later! Tomorrow we’re having a cookout for Rosie’s birthday. Tomorrow night we are meeting with the pastor of the Ukrainian church, nicknamed the secret agent of medicine,...
16 Jul, 2014
First off, let me say: I FEEL BETTER TODAY! Woohoo! I just have a massive sinus headache. Hopefully it’s not the cold turning into a sinus infection. But the cold virus itself seems to be leaving me. Thank goodness. The bad news is that Ada is crying all night long tonight because her throat hurts. She’s such a terrible patient. She wails and wails, for hours. How does screaming help a sore throat, child? Summer colds. So much fun! We had...
11 Jul, 2014
Still dying of summer cold. Waaaah! My head hurts so bad. Sinus headache, drippy nose. I just want to sleep and wake up feeling better. Why is sleeping never an option in my life! I’m having a hard time getting the kids to just go play. They want to cling to me, and because Misha and Mariana are clinging to me, my own three do the same. I’m going crazy. I can’t even go to the bathroom and pee because our...
11 Jul, 2014
Oh. Em. Gee. I am near death. The pool was very, very hot and steamy today. Do you know what happens when a congested person spends an hour sitting in a room full of hot steam?? It’s so embarrassing. Hacking up a lung, nose pouring snot, kids hanging on me. Sorry, I’m here spreading germs relentlessly. Stay back, stay back!! I have no choice. Believe me, I’d rather be at home laying in bed crying. Mama doesn’t get to lay in bed...
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