A little explanation about T’s bio–to answer some questions I received.

The bio was written in Russian and translated to English, so sometimes things are worded kind of awkwardly.  She might not be mischievous in the negative sense, it’s hard to say.  You can’t take the bio’s too seriously in that regard.  They say funny things over there, and it doesn’t always come across like you’d expect in English, in a lingual sense and a cultural sense.

The note about her not being gentle with younger children came from the family that hosted her last year.  The host family didn’t give any more details that I know of. It may have been a case of the realities of orphans.  At the orphanage they fight for everything.  They aren’t allowed to have their own toys, not even one special toy of their own in many orphanages.  They have to fiercely protect everything.  When they get to America they don’t know how to be a part of a family, they don’t understand that they can stop fighting to survive.  It’s likely that T tried to defend her stuff roughly, and they all do that. They are allowed to do that in the orphanage, or at least they get away with it because they aren’t watched that closely constantly.  It’s simply a matter of survival, you know?

The American organizer told me that last year her host child was a very sweet little girl, but when her three year old picked up one of the host child’s toys the host child flipped her over and started spanking her on the butt.  She had no idea that this was unacceptable behavior, but with love and consistency she was able to learn.  It doesn’t happen overnight, it requires patience.  Geeze, if anything after the past six years of my life I’ve been taught loads of patience.

I don’t know if you all have seen any pictures of Ada, but she doesn’t take crap from anyone.  I’m not too worried.  If T tries to spank her she will punch her in the face.  I have no idea where Ada learned that, but I’ve seen her act that way when “bullied” by a friends three little boys.  She put the little boys right back in line, which was concerning and hysterically funny all at once.  Oh, Ada.  I promise I try to teach my kids to be gentle, haha.  She isn’t easily intimidated.

The Ukrainian facilitator said that T has matured and grown up a lot in the past year, and her orphanage director said that she is a sweet girl.  The American organizer also met her and said that when she saw her in the group setting with younger kids she acted sweet and calm.  She is from an orphanage they work closely with and I don’t think the director would agree to send her if she had some kind of scary issues.  She would certainly send a better behaved kid instead, there are plenty to choose from! They only try to send the best ones to the hosting programs.

T at least deserves a chance to be loved.  I’m sure no one chose her based on that one negative statement from her last host family.  The poor kid went to America to stay with strangers at 6 years old and got labeled negatively.  She’s only a little girl!

I plan on translating our family guidelines to Russian.  I’m also going to be firm and not put up with any bad behavior from the very beginning.  I think it will be ok.

On the off chance that T is more than we can handle the host organization does have back-up families, so we can have T go stay with someone else.  That would be a very last resort.  I have a feeling she just needs some gentle but firm guidance, and some time to be loved.

They told us in the host training that a lot of the younger kids pee the bed when they come to America because it’s the first time in their lives they’ve been able to relax and sleep deeply, it’s the first time they’ve felt safe enough to go to sleep.

Plan Love a (Potentially) Challenging Orphan: Set to commence on July 16th, 2012!  Wish us luck.

Here’s another picture I got of T.  It was taken by her host family last year.  She looks super dangerous, doesn’t she? ;-)

I’m getting a little less sad and a little more excited. Do you all see how HAPPY she looks in this picture compared to the one from the orphanage?  She almost looks like a different kid.

Oh gosh you all, I am so tired.  Ada needs an off switch.  An automatic shut off.  I would flip the switch at 7 or 8 in the evening and restart her around 8 in the morning.

That would be amazing.

Unfortunately (I guess) parenthood is a 24/7 job.

Dude, I need a weekend or something to catch up on my Zzzz’s before I up and keel over!

Ada didn’t get the memo that toddlers are supposed to start sleeping through the night.

Heck, she didn’t even get the memo that toddlers are supposed to sleep for longer than 1-2 hours at a time.

Aauughaghhhhhhhh.

Being a parent is so hard.

I have realized that the secret to raising happy, compassionate, responsible, polite children is not what you do to your kids to train them or whatever, it’s based on the example you set as a person.

This thought scares me quite a bit.  I mean it’s easy to read parenting books, to do this or don’t do that, and to judge other parents based on their choices.  But it sure is harder to turn around and look at yourself.  It’s way harder to hold yourself responsible for the example you set.

I’ve been doing some heavy reading and I’ve decided my goals as a parent (and as a human being) are to have compassion, show kindness, have humility, quiet strength, and self discipline.

I read that in the Bible.  Apparently the Bible is an excellent parenting resource, though not in the way most people automatically think.  Not in relation to those out of context verses about rods people are always quoting, oh no.  That kind of parenting is *really* not for me.  I’m talking about words of wisdom.

It’s so hard.  Did I mention that?  I am not automatically compassionate.  I am not gentle enough.  I am not cheerful no matter what.  I don’t even really know how to be those things.  I guess the first step is realizing that I need to work on it.

One night I was flipping through pages in the Message Bible (on my iPad, old religion meet new fangled technology) and I read that the wrath of man doesn’t bring forth the righteousness of God.  That could mean a lot of things when applied to different situations, I know.  But it makes me think of parenting, and it makes me think that getting angry with my kids does not make them behave the way I want them to.  When I get angry I make my kids angry, and anger is nothing but destructive.

Then coincidentally I later read this in another book, the Duggar’s book…extremely weird how I’d never had this thought before then suddenly read it in a second place on the same night.  Michelle Duggar goes on to elaborate noting that “A soft answer turns away wrath.”

Um…well…that’s practically genius.  I am a yeller.  Oh send help, my neighbors probably hear me yelling all the time.  I just can’t help it.  And my kids know it too.  If I yell they are like, yeah whatever mom.  Tyler does not yell and on the occasion he does the kids both are shocked and burst into tears.  Michelle Duggar writes that she whispers instead of yelling and that gets her childrens’ attention.  I keep trying this but then Rosie says, “What? I can’t hear you.  Why are you whispering mom?”

Oh well.

Maybe if I keep doing it enough it will work.  At least making myself whisper is calming and makes me reign in any angry emotions instantly.  You have to be mindful to whisper.  It’s much easier to automatically yell.

This Bible, what a ridiculous book.  Every time Christianity is mentioned so many people roll their eyes then up and run away as fast as they can.  I know it’s because 99.9% of the world’s Christians are idiots, believe me.  I was forced to attend church my entire childhood.  I could write you a book, but it’s not worth it the wasted emotion.  I honestly do not know why people flock to church and sit in multimillion dollar buildings while praying for poor people.  I will never be able to get over that.

I think that pretty much sums up why I don’t go to a brick and mortar church.  I could write you a long list of well thought out reasons in addition, but that one sentence summary pretty much covers it.

The human race is quite flawed, isn’t it?

But back to parenting/being a role model of who you want your child to be:

Another night I was absent-mindedly flipping through the Bible on my iPad–I just love how you can flick the pages across the screen–while musing about parenting woes and this one passage literally LEAPT off of the page.  My eyes just happened to fall on it or whatever.

Parts of it said:

“Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense.”

Dude.  How many times as a mother have I sat at home and stewed over how I am always second place to everyone else’s needs?  How much have I let that ruin my mood, my day, or my attitude towards my family?  How many moments have I wasted getting angry in my mind over something stupid my husband has done?  How many times have I just out of the blue snapped and started yelling instead of being even-tempered…

“And regardless of what else you put on, wear love.  It’s your basic all-purpose garment.  Never be without it.”  (Colossians 3:12-14)

Did I say this is hard?  I already said that a few times, right?

I mean, my kids are ok.  They are great, actually.  They are fairly well behaved.  They’re especially well behaved for other people.  It’s not like I am a failure or something.

I just need to work on myself.  That is overwhelming.

I’ve got good inspiration though.  Whenever I feel like giving up, I think of little eyes watching me and learning.  What if I give them a negative, whining outlook they will carry with them the rest of their lives?  I don’t want to teach them to yell or hit their children in the future.  I don’t want to teach them to be super uptight or judgmental (of themselves or others.)

It’s a lot of responsibility, being a parent.

Ada is wearing me out.  She looks innocent, but don’t be fooled!

She’s curious, and busy, and I’m 99% sure she has wheels for feet.

I can’t get anything done because she’s always climbing and into every little thing!

God help me when she figures out how to open door knobs in the next month or so.  (We can’t get those door knob covers because then Rosie couldn’t get the doors open.)

Ada can climb like a monkey.  She has unnatural upper arm strength, I swear.

She will push a kitchen chair over to the counter, then climb up in the chair, and then climb up onto the counter, open the top cabinets, and begin throwing things out.

She can climb up onto the toilet, then open the medicine cabinet and throw everything she can find into the sink, and then she leans over and turns on the water full blast and splashes in it.

She can climb the big slide outside, then she turns around and slides down head first, crashes and rolls at the bottom, stands up, laughs manically, and climbs up the slide again.

Careful Rosie is the polar opposite.  Rosie just worked up the courage to enjoy going down slides LAST MONTH.  She’s five!

Ada can also scale the ladder to Rosie’s top bunk at warp speed, then she bounces on the bed and tries to launch herself over the side.

This one scares me the most–I try to keep the door to Rosie’s room closed, but that’s where all of the girls’ toys are and Rosie is always going in and out.  If Ada falls from the top bunk she will slam into the wood floor below.  It’s about 6.5-7 feet down.  I’m terrified thinking of it.  I’m almost certain it will happen at some point.

Ada takes off running and sneaks into Rosie’s room whenever she can, and she goes straight up the ladder.  I try to watch her constantly, but it’s so hard!

People suggest a pack n’ play to me and that is just laughable.  SHE CAN CLIMB RIGHT OUT OF THAT!

See for yourselves, the Ada Monkey.

I’m working hard to teach her boundaries.

It took me two days to teach her not to run in the road.  She now walks nicely along on the sidewalk.

It took us about three shopping trips to teach her how to follow along without running away.  It’s important to me that I teach my kids how to behave in public rather than just deal with them running off or struggle with using a stroller all the time, so as soon as they are big enough to walk along I begin teaching them.

I just keep redirecting, over and over, while explaining.  I know it works on different personality types because Rosie was very sensitive and high strung, and it worked with her.  Ada is head strong and plows through people using the force of her big ol’ head, but I could still teach her.  You just have to be persistent and don’t let them get away with it one time or they’ll think it’s ok.

Ada always wanted to run the opposite direction from me while laughing.  Uh, I don’t think so sister!  If you don’t walk along with Momma then I have to carry you.  That’s what I tell her.  She wants to walk.  She totally understood this at 13 months old.  She still sometimes stops and gets distracted by things in stores, but we’re working on the next step–if you grab things off of the shelves then I have to carry you.  I tell her, “Oh I see that. It needs to stay right there on the shelf.  Keep walking!”  If she starts to grab things I tell her, “No ma’am.  Want Momma to hold you?”  Works like a charm, at least when she’s well fed and well rested…

But in the house…oh Ada…it’s much harder because we’re here all the time.  I can’t convince her not to climb up the bunk bed ladder, she watches her sister climb it over and over.

Two weeks of redirecting successfully got us past her climb-up-and-jump-on-top-the-kitchen-table phase. That was horrible and exhausting.  The kitchen table has been replaced by the bunk bed ladder.

I am seriously considering getting Ada one of those infant sized bike helmets.

It would be cute, right?

Knowing my luck it would cause bald spots on her head from wearing it too much.

Parenting is such a funny thing.

When Rosie was a baby I had definite ideals about how I would raise her–especially regarding discipline.

I read a lot of books.  A LOT of books.

It was going to work like this: There would be no spanking, no time-outs, and no praise.

(I know the praise thing confuses people–I mean no “good job” or “good sharing” crap, anyone notice how it’s way over used?  Doesn’t mean you can’t ever say, “Wow I love the way you colored that rainbow, it’s beautiful!” You know, making a genuine comment instead of insincere automated, “Good chewing with your mouth closed Johnny!”)

It seems so simple when they are small.

And then they get older, and it’s anything but simple.  There are all kinds of extenuating circumstances.  Are they over tired? Over stimulated? Hungry? Sick?  Is their developmental level appropriate for my expectations?  So much thinking.

I still think Super Nanny is a crack pot.  Children are not machines that can be automatically trained to behave.  Well, I guess they can be trained to behave but not without internal damage.

The thing is, I don’t want to train my children to behave.  I want them to be free thinking, healthy children who are able to make the right decisions for intrinsic reasons rather than for fear of a consequence.  By no means do I think they should be allowed to run wild, the most important thing I can teach my children is to respect themselves and those around them, and that includes having good manners.

Now here’s the trick:  How in the world do you instill all of these qualities in a child?  By nature children are impulsive and selfish.  Not because children are bad, but because they are naturally so inwardly focused on themselves as they grow and develop.  As parents it’s our job to open their eyes to the world around them.

Discipline means “to teach” and not “to punish” right?

Do you teach someone by punishing them?  Wait, no…that would be bullying in any other setting.

Convincing someone to do what you want by emotional coercion or physical force…what does that define?

Yeah.  Awkward silence.

I’m a parent, not a bully.

So let me tell you: Being in tune with your kid is hard work.  As a baby and toddler it works out pretty well, at least it did for me.  As she’s gotten older we’ve hit some very rough patches.  She never does horrible things in public–but at home sometimes all is not well.

I decided to test out punishments.  Is this terrible?  No, I don’t think so.  (Well, maybe a little considering I am firm in my beliefs that punishment is not the answer.)

First I tested time-out, Super Nanny style.  That was ridiculous, over dramatic, and didn’t do anything except create prolonged discord in my home.  Sitting down and wailing teaches her nothing except to not let me catch her being bad.  She is absolutely not sitting there thinking about what she did wrong.  I know, because I sat in time-out as a kid.  I was thinking all kinds of angry thoughts, not one single bit of remorse.

Time-out…fail.  Though I will mention that sometimes when Rosie is out of control she does need some time in her room to cool down and recenter herself–this is different than a forced time out spot with a forced apology afterward.

One day I decided to test out spanking.  Yeah, I really did.  Pick your jaws up off of the floor.

That was interesting.

I felt like a horrible person.

Rosie told everyone we saw for like two weeks that I spanked her.

“Hi little girl, I love your sparkly red shoes!”  “My momma spanked me.”

Oh gosh.  Why Rosie, why?  Embarrassing!  What do you say in that situation?  Walk away quickly!

The spanking experiment taught me two things.

1) You now have a huge power over your child.  If you take on a threatening tone your child will cover their butt and back away.

2) Spanking makes you feel like complete scum as a parent.  At least it did me.  It’s embarrassing for you, and it’s embarrassing for your child to know that their loving parent hit them.  Hitting someone scares them into doing what you want them to do.  Again…what does that define?

So where does this leave me, discipline-wise?

Well.

I have found the answer.

One night when I couldn’t sleep (I have horrible insomnia) I decided to download a Bible for the iPad.  It was impulsive.  I wanted to read something and I saw it on sale for 99 cents, so I clicked “buy” and there it was.

I know as soon as I say the word BIBLE then half of the people reading this will run away and hide in a corner with tin foil hats on.  Sorry.

You know, people always say the Bible is pro-spanking.  I kind of think that’s a load of donkey poo.  Sure, in the Old Testament they stoned people and other horrific things.  But not in the New Testament.  A shepherd never beats his sheep with his rod, he guides them with it.  (Have you ever seen a sheep before?  I can’t imagine beating one.  I doubt it’s a coincidence that the Bible uses so many sheep/rod/shepherd comparisons.)

Anyway, what I was going to say before I got distracted by the thought of beating innocent fluffy sheep was that I randomly found the answer to my dilemma in the Bible.

I downloaded the Message Bible on my iPad.  I opened it and there was that famous bit about love, you know the one in 1 Corinthins 13?  Except the Message version sounds a bit different than the fancier Bible versions.

I had parenting on the brain, and this is what it said to me:

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.

Love doesn’t strut,

Doesn’t have a swelled head,

Doesn’t force itself on others,

Isn’t always “me first,”

Doesn’t fly off the handle,

Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn’t revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

This is like a summary of my parenting goals.  I couldn’t believe it.  It’s like instructions for how to be a mother.

I guess what I’m trying to say is…it’s ok.  It’s ok to just love your kid.

It’s ok to say no to things if you have a good reason.  And it’s also ok to say yes as much as possible.

How do you teach children to be compassionate, respectful people capable of critical thinking?  You set an example for them, and you give them reminders over and over until they get it.  You show them how to forgive mistakes rather than belittling or bullying.

But most of all, you just love them unconditionally without fail.

Must share this. 

I stumbled upon this woman’s videos randomly when internet surfing trapped under a sleeping baby.

Oh my gosh.

I already knew these things, I was once this kind of parent.  It was so…refreshing?  Yes refreshing to have someone look me in the eyes and remind me of the kind of parent I want to be.

(Also, I love her hair and I kind of want to do that to mine, though I’m not sure I’m cool enough to pull it off.  Especially considering I live in conservative Kentucky.)

Oh, so here’s the video.  She has other videos too, they are aimed towards parenting adopted children with extra issues.  However, they also go pretty long and far towards parenting spirited biological children too!  (And I am storing up knowledge, just in case I find myself one day the mother to an adopted child with RAD or something. Intimidating thought, but you never know where you might find yourself…)

Yeah, anyway, the video:

Sometimes I wonder what the neighbors must think is going on over here.

We had all of the windows open this morning, and Rosie ended up throwing a(nother) giant tantrum.

It all started out wrong.  We didn’t get time to clean up the house before bed like Rosie and I usually do, so I woke up to a mess.  I feel anxious when my house is messy, I don’t know why.  I just do.  Waking up to a mess is like getting up on the wrong side of the bed.

I asked Rosie if she would help me clean up and she refused.  Partially my fault for wanting us to clean up before breakfast, I’ll admit.  It would have only taken 10 minutes though.

So I forced her to carry a few toys to her room.  While she was in her room I turned on some quiet music.  (Iron and Wine.)

Rosie yelled, “NO MUSIC!”  Suddenly I heard this loud noise and Rosie began frantically screaming, then she started yelling, “I’m so sorry!  I’m so so sorry Momma!” Over and over.

Insert a big sigh here.  What now!?

Rosie had this cup my mother in-law gave her a few years ago.  She loves this cup.  It’s got some kind of gel in it that’s orange, intended to be frozen so it keeps your drink really cold.  Rosie just plays with it.  Lately she has been carrying the cup around constantly, sleeping with it, buckling it in the car, taking it in the shower.  She named it Juicy.  She’s four years old, she can name a cup if she wants.

When I went down the hall to see what had happened in her room I found a disaster scene.  Apparently Rosie was in such a bad mood that she threw Juicy the Cup as hard as she could onto the wood floor.  Juicy the Cup exploded, spraying orange gel far and wide, including all over Rosie’s clean dress, on Rosie’s face, on the wall, on the shelves, and spread across the floor.

You have to know that Rosie freaks out if she gets her dresses wet or dirty.  She also doesn’t like it when her room gets dirty.  Not only did both of these things happen, she also broke her favorite thing.

She was hysterically upset.

I had no idea how to proceed.  A mixture of comforting her and pointing out she shouldn’t have lost her temper and been so grumpy?  I don’t know. I still don’t know.

Anyway, I got to spend the first half an hour of my day mopping up orange mystery gel from every nook and cranny of the play room.

While I was doing that Rosie was sobbing and hyperventilating.  She kept screaming, at the top of her lungs, “I KILLED MY BABYYYYYYYYYYYYY!”

Honestly, I would not have been surprised if the police showed up.  I wouldn’t be surprised if CPS visits us tomorrow.

Rosie screamed that she killed her baby for TWO SOLID HOURS.  Seriously.

I guess she learned to never lose her temper and throw things.  I doubt she’ll forget the result.

To be honest I feel sad for her rather than angry.  She loved that cup and I know she never imagined it would explode.

Since Tyler has been working all the time, we haven’t really seen him at all this week.  The last time he spent a moment with Rosie was Sunday.  I know that’s hard for her.

There is a direct correlation between her behavior and Tyler’s working hours per week.  The more he works, the more over sensitive Rosie seems.

Today she saw him putting on his shoes and she said, “You aren’t going to work again are you?”  He told her he has to go and she whispered, “I am very, very angry at you.”  Then she went and sat down and stared at the wall.

So sad!

Tomorrow will be a better day.  Tyler doesn’t have to work because it’s Saturday.  The weather is supposed to be warm.  My house is totally as clean as it will get while we’re living in it.  My laundry is 99% done, folded, and put away.  I only have a few dishes in the sink.  No worries for tomorrow!

I discovered this wonderful app for the iPhone called HomeRoutine.  The app has exactly what I put in my home organization binder–a clean list for each day, one with morning goals and one with afternoon goals.  A to-do list for the week.  Notes for each day.  Re-occurring weekly tasks.  Your home divided up into zones and a 15 minute timer built in so you can speed clean each zone, one for each day, for 15 minutes.  The check list gives you gold stars for completing tasks.  Who doesn’t like earning a gold star?

I love this app.  I highly recommend it.

Another day of being alone.  Thankfully Tyler will be off this weekend, because I’m not sure how much more I can take. 

He came home from work at 4 in the morning, then slept until 1.  At 1 he got up and we ran to the store to arrange for the appraiser to come tomorrow to price tile floors for the kitchen and bathroom.  (That’s what the in-laws are getting us for Christmas!)  It’s estimated at $2,800 including the tiles and installation.  We’d never be able to afford that on our own, and though I don’t think tile laying is very hard (I did it once!) Tyler doesn’t even want to try.  $2,800!!  That’s like how much Tyler makes in a month.  No joke.

As soon as we got done at the flooring store we had to come straight home so Tyler could get in his car and leave for work. 

Poor Rosie, she cried for two hours after.  She waited all morning for him to wake up, and then we drug her to a boring store only for him to come home and leave without even coming inside.

My sweet Rosie is growing up so quickly.  Last night she asked me to move her bed into her room and out of our room.  Then she went to bed in there all by herself!  She loved it, she slept in there all night.  She spent several hours in there playing by herself on her bed this afternoon too. 

Rosie never slept in a crib, we just co-slept, then when Ada came along I let Rosie pick out a toddler bed to sleep in if she didn’t want to be squished up with the baby.  That was when Rosie was 3.  She loved her new little bed and slept in it (in our room) with no problem.  Now she’s sleeping in her own room.

People always say, "Ooooh, you’ll never get them out of your bed!" 

WTFever.  I loved sniffing her head all night long as a baby and toddler.  Now she sleeps on her own, there was no struggle at all.  No tears, no bribery.  Just a little girl proclaiming how grown up she is, feeling very self confident. 

Just goes to show that it really does work–if you meet your baby’s needs constantly they will eventually learn true independence and it will come with self confidence.  So much better than a crying baby or toddler being forced to do something they aren’t ready for just because silly American culture says they need to be independent…

It’s interesting that it took Rosie three years before she was ready to sleep on her own.  I wonder how Ada will be.  I think Ada might be ready to sleep on her own sooner because she doesn’t like to snuggle as much as Rosie did.  (Well, Rosie still does love to snuggle!)  Ada will roll away from me at night, compared to baby Rosie who liked to sleep plastered in my arm pit.  

I sometimes wonder what will happen if I get one of those babies who just likes to sleep in their own space from the start.  I think that would make me kind of sad!  

I can’t believe how old Rosie is suddenly.  I might cry thinking of it.

She’s outgrown co-sleeping, but she still hasn’t outgrown nursing.  Child led weaning has been an interesting journey, and really not all that easy.  I never imagined she would still be nursing at this point, either. 

Our nursing relationship has changed so much over the past 4.5 years.  Now nursing is just a way we connect and snuggle every night for a few minutes before bed.  I can’t say that I enjoy it anymore, but I’ve come this far on the journey so I’ll stick it out until the end.  

Society has all kinds of misconceptions and prejudices against nursing, forget breastfeeding a preschooler.  I guess society and their opinions can kiss my skinny a$$…breastfeeding and child led weaning both have all kinds of wonderful benefits–emotional and physical.  There really are no negative sides of it when you just look at the facts, there are only loads of positives.  People like to gasp and proclaim how they can’t imagine nursing a FOUR YEAR OLD, OMG! But you know what?  I couldn’t imagine nursing someone else’s four year old either.  I’ve nursed her every single day of her life, weaning is a very gradual process.  It’s not shocking to me, I’ve done it every day for four years…

Anytime a little bit of societal worry creeps in I think of other countries, where child led weaning is the norm.  I like knowing that there’s nothing I have to do–again, no tears or forcing or trauma.  Just enjoying it for what it is in this moment, and in the end when she’s done and that part of our relationship has ended it will be with happiness and only that.

Ada doesn’t seem to be glued to my breasts like Rosie was, so I wonder if she will nurse for such a long time.  I believe breastmilk should be main source of nutrients for babies until 12 months, so I don’t do baby food or feed Ada meals.  I let her eat little bits of lots of stuff, but only after nursing and not enough solids to stuff her full.  It’s important, I want my children to have healthy guts and healthy immune systems.  She’ll have her entire life to indulge on solid foods, 12 months of mostly breastmilk isn’t so long in comparison.  After 12 months I do baby led eating/child lead weaning.  I do still encourage nursing and offer often if baby is distracted because I absolutely believe babies shouldn’t wean before 24 months.

It worked perfectly with Rosie–she wasn’t too interested in meals of solid foods until around 18 months.  She just picked at food up until that point.  Now, of course, she eats normally.  She wasn’t picky for awhile, but now she’s going through some phase…*sigh*….I’m continuing to offer a wide range of foods outside of her few favorites and hoping that the phase will one day end.  At least her favorites are things like peanut butter and jelly on whole wheat, it could be worse.

It humors me how there are so many parenting debates.  I say just keep loving your babies unconditionally and use the tools and intuition nature gives you.  It’s that easy. 

(Don’t leave me a zillion notes about special needs kids, those are an obvious exception, I know.)

Look at my girls!  Hah.

Rosie isn’t into being photographed these days, unless she’s making some kind of goofy face.Ada on the other hand is easier torture.

Look!  She has only one top front tooth.  The other has no signs of appearing any time soon. 

So funny.

I love her so much.

Every time I stare at her, nurse her, sniff her head, listen to her giggle…I just want to have more.  More babies, more happy squishy goodness, enough to fill a bus.  

Rosie agrees, she tells me all the time how she loves having a baby and asks when we can have another.  Maybe next year we can work on that Rosie, first I have to enjoy every second of the baby I have right now.

Plus, I can’t have too many babies..my Gus cat will get jealous.

I may not be able to find that patience in a bottle, but I have figured out a trick.

Rosie is distracted from being picky by making meals funny.  I tell her I’m going to make a surprise plate of food for her and no matter what she cannot look until it’s sitting in front of her at the table.  These surprise plates somehow make her excited about eating things like carrots or whatever.  I’m not sure how it works, but I have a theory the excitement of a surprise overrides the “picky” alarm in her kid brain.

Butterfly made of dill pickles for wings, muffin brownie with powdered sugar dusted on top for the body, and carrot antennas.

Grilled cheese snowflake–baby swiss and colby on whole wheat.

Banana mountain.

(Ada had some banana slices and organic rice puff cereal.)

Candy cane and Christmas tree peanut butter and strawberry jam on whole wheat.

Corn.

Cheese cube mountain.

I don’t cook big meals at night since Tyler works and we are alone. Usually I need something kind of quick because Ada and Rosie are grumpy, the dogs have to be fed and let out then back in, the chickens have to be put up, lots to do in a short amount of time before we start getting ready for bed at 7:15.

We haven’t been eating as healthy as we used to because Ada keeps me so distracted, but I still try to be sure we aren’t buying tons of processed food.  It’s easy, and tempting, but it makes you feel like crap after eating a lot of it. We buy tortilla chips, every few weeks we buy a bag of plain potato chips, and we buy Coke.  That’s it aside from occasional things like brownie mix because it’s on sale for $1.  Otherwise I try to only buy fruits and veggies and unprocessed meats (except healthy-ish sausage).  I do sometimes buy crackers but only the kind with the best ingredients.  Tyler likes Goldfish, I guess those are an exception, or Annie’s Cheddar Bunnies.  Sometimes we get Annie’s mac and cheese too because they keep putting it on sale for 50 cents a box.

Anyway, enough grocery ramblings.

Rosie is throwing a fit because I turned on some new kid music I downloaded and she says she hates it and blah blah blah.  Wonderful.  I turned on a Christmas album and she started screaming and growling at me so she’s going to lay in bed and scream and wait for me to get the baby ready for bed and come in.  *sigh*

Being a parent is so difficult sometimes.

I wish it was all about smiles, laughter, happy moments, and fun times.  Unfortunately in order to achieve all of those happy moments there’s some background dirty work that has to occur.  Why can’t children just pop out as perfectly behaved, permanently cheerful creatures?

Rosie has been having such a difficult time lately.  It’s funny because each year it gets a little more difficult–you’d think it would get easier at some point, but alas no.  Age four has been the most challenging yet.  Ages 1, 2, and 3 were cake in comparison.  CAKE, I’m telling you.  Age four has brought attitude by the bucketful.  Attitude and girly drama complete with, “You hate me!” and crocodile tears, wailing and gnashing of teeth, demanding, foot stomping and arm crossing.

Some days I’m not sure how much more I can take!

Rosie has been especially horrific acting these past few weeks.  Last night I said some mean truths to her–no one wants to be around someone who cries and pouts and growls ALL THE TIME.  No one has fun, no one likes to spend time with her.  She has been picking random things to freak out over and then throwing a tantrum for an hour or more.  Constant stuff, over and over.  After I told her how miserable she makes us all she then cried herself to sleep.

Sad.  So sad.  I was very mean.  :’(

I realized last night that this has started since Tyler has switched his work hours to night shift and also started working some during the day.  I think her upping the scary four year old attitude and Tyler being gone so much are quite possibly related.

Light bulb!

These four year olds, they are complex creatures, I’m telling you.

Since I had that revelation last night I’ve been much more understanding of her today.  She has also been better behaved, and much more pleasant.  Thank goodness.

She seems to have the need to control arbitrary things, which has started since Tyler’s hours switched. I have to go back and remind myself to not sweat the small stuff.

I wish they sold patience in a bottle.